We all want to have a great relationship with our teens, but when they’re testing our patience, when we don’t understand them, when they’re being disrespectful or disobedient, we tend to resort to behaviors that interfere with the loving connection we hope to have. Laura Taggart will offer practical skills on Staying Tuned in to your teen’s heart and insure the connection so essential to a loving and life-giving relationship.

For the past 26 years, Laura has been a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and clinical supervisor at Community Presbyterian Church in Danville, California. She earned her M.A. in Theology with an emphasis in Marriage and Family Ministry from Fuller Theological Seminary in Southern California and earned her B.A. from University of California, Los Angeles. For the past 10 years she has taught counseling at Fuller Seminary, Northern California. She also serves as an adjunct professor for the Evangelical Theological College in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.

GEMs of Wisdom from “Staying Tuned” with Your by Laura Taggart, LMFT

Your relationship with your teen is the most powerful influence on how they feel about themselves and who they become.

Tune in to the unique rhythm of your teen. “Train up a child in the way he should go . . . . “  Proverbs 22:6.  Parenting is a treasure hunt.  Each child has their own gifting.  A parent’s role through careful listening, observing, and asking good questions is to help the child unwrap their gifts.  Adopt a mindset of discovery, doing more asking and less telling.  Embrace their different gifts and temperaments.  Be open to how God will also shape you through your children.
    
Help your teen feel and deal.  “The heart of a teenager is like deep waters, but a parent of understanding draws it out.”  Proverbs 20:5 (paraphrased).  Sometimes when we try to help our kids feel better, it comes across as a denial of their feelings and they may shut down or act out in frustration.  Validate and acknowledge their feelings with just one or two words in order to bring clarity and understanding to further conversation.

Keep your own reactive parts in check.  “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” James 1:19.  When we feel like we are losing control of a situation we get angry out of fear.  But when you or your teen is angry, no learning is taking place. They check-out; they go “off-line.”  Rein in your reactivity.  Anger is protective to a degree, but it can hijack relationships.  Don’t beat yourself up if you’ve been reactive.  We aren’t perfect moms, we are learning moms.

Set limits in love. “The Lord disciplines those he loves.” Hebrews 12:6.  Parenting is not about forcing obedience; it is about shaping the heart.  Relationship is more important than being right.  In all our disciplining, we are not fighting against them, we are fighting for their hearts.    When giving consequences, focus on their behavior, not on their personality.
 
Enjoy your teen.  “ . . . hope in God, who richly provides us everything for our enjoyment.” 1 Timothy 6:17.  What do your kids see in your face when you look at them?  Do they see warmth and acceptance?  What activities are you and your teen enjoying together now that will not come to an end when they go off to college or leave home?

Staying tuned is really about our relationship with our teen more than any skill in parenting.

To stay connected with Laura, subscribe to her blog at www.laurataggart.com.  Look for Laura’s book Making Love Last to be released July 4, 2017.